I decided to interview my good friend Kiara, who is a devoted Ally to LGBT people, about what that’s like and what it involves. She’s knowledgeable, sensitive, aware, well-spoken, and just really cool. Check it out 🙂
Lily: Do you have a specific moment when you realized that you wanted to be an Ally; that this is something you wanted to stand up for?
Kiara: It’s difficult to pinpoint the moment I became an active Ally. Growing up I had many gay friends, whom I loved very much, and some of our family’s closest friends were gay. Then, when I was in eighth grade, I had to do a project on the 1980’s for history class. While researching, I came across information about the first case of AIDS, which had been called Gay-Related Immune Deficiency (GRID). This was the first time (that I can recall) that I realized how sheltered I’d been growing up in a mainly liberal household, and how painfully the LGBT community has been stigmatized throughout history. However, it wasn’t until I went to my school GSA’s first meeting in sophomore year that I decided to become an active Ally. When I saw the enormous crowd at the meeting and heard members speaking so passionately and cathartically about the hardships they had faced, I knew that these were people who needed to be fought for.
What does being an LGBT Ally mean to you?
Being an LGBT Ally can be a complicated position, and each person treats the responsibility differently. I think it is important to understand that there is no right or wrong way to be an Ally, just as their is no right or wrong way to belong in the LGBT community. To me, being an Ally means defending LGBT friends whenever they need defending, but it also encompasses the small things, like listening and being an open audience for friends who want to get things off their chests, because you never know when even a small thing like that can save a person. On the other hand, being an Ally also means being open about your own sexual identity, and being confident in saying, “I am straight, but I am just as committed to this cause as anyone who is LGBT.”
Why is it so important for LGBT students to have straight Allies as part of their support system?
Having Allies involved with the LGBT cause is important for a few reasons. When Allies support the LGBT community, it does provide strength for the movement, and there is also safety in numbers. Public support from allies, especially from allies who have a lot of influence socially or politically, can build a bridge between the LGBT community and the rest of the world. But having Allies supporting the cause will not be enough to change the ways of the true haters.
Do you think it’s important for LGBT students to have teachers and administrators as Allies as well as other students?
I do think it is important that teachers stand up for students if and when they are bullied on the basis of sexuality or gender expression, because teachers must be held at least partially accountable for creating a safe space for kids in schools, an environment that is fit for the growth and development of happy, healthy kids. But if a teacher feels uncomfortable sharing his/her own sexuality with students, that is a decision that I completely understand and respect.
Is this the case at your school?
Most of the teachers support the LGBT community at my school, and get involved to help the cause. I haven’t personally seen it happen, but I feel pretty confident in saying that if a teacher at my school witnessed a student being bullied or harassed, the teacher would do everything in his/her power to prevent any further harm.
Are you involved in your school’s Gay-Straight Alliance?
Yes, I am co-president of my school’s Gay-Straight Alliance.
How did you get involved?
In my sophomore year I went to my school GSA’s first meeting, going with a gay friend who had agreed to go to the meeting on the condition that I attend with him. When I got to the meeting, I was shocked by the 50 or so people who were there, and even more impressed with the passion they had for the cause.
Has anyone ever assumed that you were gay because of your dedicated involvement in the club?
Sure people have. Probably people I don’t even personally know. People make assumptions about your sexuality all the time, because people love to speculate and gossip. It’s part of human nature.
Has it bothered you?
It has never particularly bothered me because the people who matter to me know my real identity, and everyone else can choose to know and accept the truth or speculate away.
Do you think that a lot of people are reluctant to voice their support for the LGBT community because people might perceive them as gay?
There are probably a lot of people who are reluctant to voice support for the LGBT community because they are simply scared of the associations people might create and the lies they might spread. That is a huge problem that the LGBT community faces, because when people feel too scared to present themselves as Allies, then the LGBT community suffers from that loss as well.
Have you ever voiced your objection to someone’s use of homophobic or transphobic language?
There have been a few instances when I’ve heard people around school or elsewhere saying, “that’s so gay” and making other homophobic comments, and I do sometimes ask people to stop and think about what they are saying. Transphobic language, in my experience, is less frequent because it is talked about less, but I have definitely heard both. There is an incredible amount of power in words, and it is important that people know that.
Has anyone ever come out to you because they knew that they could trust you?
Yes, people have come out to me, and it is nice to know that people understand me well enough to know that they can trust me to listen to them without being judgmental.
How has being an Ally changed you?
Before I was an active Ally, I didn’t understand the power of words as much as I do now. Being an Ally means getting as close as possible to identity-based oppression without actually being able to imagine what it feels like to be persecuted for those reasons, and this definitely changes you.
Has being an Ally made you more politically aware, or increased your awareness of other social justice issues?
Before becoming an active Ally, I thought I agreed with basically all of Obama’s principles and ideals. But after seeing the pain and suffering that people and families go through due to laws prohibiting gay marriage, I have begun to scrutinize my political leaders and representatives much more carefully, which I think is very important for all citizens in this country to do.
Do you think that raising kids’ awareness about Ally Week and getting them to take the Ally Pledge will minimize discriminatory language and/or bullying and harassment in your school?
Many kids in my school are already very supportive of LGBT rights and are, in some ways, Allies without even realizing it. But I do think that raising awareness about Ally Week and asking kids to take the Ally Pledge is a great way to educate students in all schools, because students in even the most liberal schools need to be educated about the issues facing the LGBT community.
What’s the best thing about being an Ally?
The best part of being an Ally is seeing the passion of members of the LGBT community, and knowing that you can be a part of that.
Have you ever had to “come out” as an Ally to anyone?
I am proud of my position as a supporter of the LGBT community, and the more conservative members of my family have come to accept that.
What would you say to someone who wasn’t sure about whether they’re supportive of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people?
It’s tough to say, because not everyone can be convinced in the same way. I just want people to know that they are ruining the lives of people who are exactly like themselves. With all of the hatred and evil that exists in the world, nobody deserves to be persecuted for loving.
Is there anything else you want to add?
Don’t be scared to be an Ally. It may be a bumpy road at times, but it is also a very rewarding experience. I would also just like to thank the LGBT community for letting me be a part of its fight, and allowing me to play a role in a cause that is so much bigger than any one of us.
THANKS, KIARA!
The Equality Girl 